My Tamil Identity

For years I have pondered over the question of what is my identity and who do I identify myself with. While I admit being envious of my friends who claim to have no identity or affiliation, I could not bring myself to belong to that brigade. I know I belong, I know I am branded and I know I am comfortably proud about it.

Over the last year in Costa Rica my affiliation with the Tamil identity became increasingly clear and the revelations more frequent. My universal identity of course is that I am human and I hence care, this was clear from my early life, academic and career choices. My specific identity has now come to front. I am Tamil, and this is my first specific identity.

My nationalist friends would look at me accusingly, as though I have shelved my Indian Identity. But I ask this, am I Indian and if I am, how so? Of course I am Indian; my passport seems to make that clear. The fact of the matter is I am Indian because I am a Tamil, born in the state of Tamil Nadu, which is a part of the Indian Union. This thus mandates clearly that by accepting the Indian identity I would in fact be pledging my primary loyalty to the enabler, Tamil.

What was the basis on which I detect and accept this identity and more importantly what is the implication of being Tamil? I’m no fool to brag about clear indices or implications.

Identity in itself is a strange thing as it often relates to what you are not rather than to what you are. Being Indian has its own political, social and racial implications. But my instincts, thought process, immediate responses, reactions and deductions are often dissimilar to those of my Indian counter parts from the northern side of the Union.

The question of identity is purely an intellectual exercise until one faces situations where we find ourselves taking sides. It becomes all the more clearer when we find ourselves siding with a minority fraction.

My recent and prolonged stay in Madurai, travelling across districts of Tamil Nadu of whom I knew of from sheer knowledge of geography and news channels has led me to live through the experience of identity crisis and clarity. When I walked into the Madurai Meenakshi temple, caves in remote parts of Madurai with carvings of the Samanas and Jains, the Sriviliputur Andal temple, the Tanjavur Brihadeswarar temple, the forts of Mahabalipuram and several other living breathing proofs of the ancient Tamil Kingdoms, an outer body experience was brought on. I do not know if it was the heat or years of subconscious conditioning that caused this, but I knew my people, my history and my heritage.

There is also the language aspect to the Tamil identity, for the Tamil identity is not just a linguistic identity as it also stems from cultural and intellectual affiliation. I think in Tamil, I understand and analyse in Tamil. I must admit that I am more fluent in English but my core remains conditioned by my first tongue.

 

There are several millions that suffer today in the hands of racial majorities across the globe, then why does the plight of the Tamils bring me to my knees? I feel helpless when I read of the struggles of minorities anywhere, but enraged when learning of continued details of the Tamil genocide.

I find no reason to fight my identity, however I admit that this might not be an unchangeable stand. Over the Tamil identity I will continue to ponder, I will continue to examine and I will continue to question. But I submit and I own it today. I am Tamil.